Saturday, December 6, 2008
I had succumbed to peer pressure and watched Twilight (pronounced Twee-light by mua to annoy certain parties) Of course, the peer pressure in mind isn't exactly people forcing me to watch the show, but actually because people kept gushing about how *quote* "HOTT!" Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson was. (of course I totally agree about Robert Pattinson even during Harry Potter... Cheekbones! <3~!) And so I decided to watch the movie with the only purpose of criticizing it in the most dramatic way possible.
So, if you haven't watched Twilight, DON'T read this. Unless you're masochistic and crave spoilers.
(and tadaa, Shuk's expected critique!)
My favourite character was Bella's dad. Yes. Her dad. I know how weird that sounds, but because everything else is so horribly cliche and corny, the father gets the limelight.
The movie starts out with a poor deer running for its life from mysterious shadows of which readers already know signifies the food eaten by the vegetarian vampires, the Cullens. And then the narration, Bella's move. Bella's awkwardness with her dad. The fact that Bella is gorgeous and has the microhelens and millihelen of Helen of Troy is also noted repeatedly. And yeah, word of warning, pretty much every guy in close proximity with Bella falls in love with her.
Bella gets to school, all guys go after her. There's this guy (of which I forgot his name) who was Chinese and went all "Chillax" and stuff, which was also kinda weird (Eric! He's supposed to be greasy, isn't he?). The bad part actually starts when Bella meets Edward. They kinda stare at each other a lot. And because Edward was supposed to stare at Bella intensely, it kinda looked as if he was glaring at her. I kinda slid down my seat in horror every time the sappy parts were played. Becca See and Shuk can be testaments to my torture. According to Shuk, I was very physical about my protestations, and I was grabbing my head in agony and sliding up and down my seat at the corny sections. Which was basically every part Bella and Edward were alone together. The Malaysian censorship cut out one hot kissing scene though, so I was spared from the torture.
The sad thing was Bella was actually pretty cool before she went all goo-goo eyes with Edward. And I'm not saying that because I "will never be together with Edward". (that was something Ashley said to me, and I was positively shocked. I mean, how FREAKY is it that people hate the book simply because the main character is too unattainable to them? I didn't even really like Edward. His character is flawed in the way that he's too perfect. So is Bella. AND the fact they don't seem to have anything in their life other than their luuuurve and assorted villians trying to break their relationship apart)
And yeah, how do girls find this romantic? I mean, Edward actually STALKS her for the first couple of months. They actually think he's cute coz he's too shy to profess his feelings or something, but STALKING IS BAD no matter how hot the guy is. And he watches her sleep by creeping in her room! Okay fine, watching her sleep is quite sweet in a twisted sort of way because he can't sleep and all... but by creeping into her room? Sheesh, how creepy can one get?!
Action parts were kinda fake. Though I'm quite sure there's no real way to make vampire strength look realistic. It's a bit weird that when the Cullens play baseball, they need a thunderstorm to cover the sound of the bat hitting the ball, but their strength isn't enough to break the bats apart. Agh. Who am I to be scientific when it's a teen vampire-cum-vegetarian movie?
Ooh. Dr. Cullen looked like Draco Malfoy though. =D And everyone seemed to love Jasper, even though he looked kinda "pained". Lol. Wei Ann was like squealing when he came on screen for the credits, and there was a group of girls behind us who also squealed as well. I kinda feel bad for the normal movie-goers, especially the ones in front of me who had to endure my snide comments every five minutes. =X
It was quite fun watching with the girls though, Wei Ann's commentary never failed to keep me entertained. There was actually this part where Edward carries Bella to a top of a tree. And they kinda stared at each other sappily. Wei Ann was like, "I hope the branch breaks". So yeah.
I guess, acting-wise they're aren't bad. It's just the story line that sucks. Directing wasn't bad either. Just the beginning looked kinda old.
Okay, to be perfectly fair, I actually thought the movie had ONE good point. It's okay to stand out, not be one of the crowd, to be unique, and to be yourself. And that's it.
The girls liked the movie because all the actors were hot. I guess that actually summarizes the movie pretty easily. Its superficiality is what attracts people, not its meaning or its message. But I guess all teen movies/tv-shows are like this. C'mon, people don't watch One Tree Hill or Gossip Girl because of its intellectual superiority or depth, but just to see which hot guy ends up with which hot girl. I know, because I occasionally watch them myself.
I'm pretty sure this line will be immortalized much like Jane Austen's "It is common knowledge that a single man in possession of good fortune must in want of a wife".
It goes, (as far as I remember.) "Of three things I was absolutely sure. Edward Cullen was a vampire. Secondly, there was a part of him *bla bla* that was dormant *bla bla*. Thirdly, I was whole-heartedly irrecovably in love with him.
And for that to happen, life sucks.
In all actuality, I must admit that I thought Twilight wasn't bad; despite the lousy High School setting, until it got over-publicized. I mean, I already knew it was corny and overdone and cliche, but I didn't actually hate it until girls everywhere started squealing about how hott Edward Cullen was. Which he isn't. I think pale guys look gay. Well. Mostly because pale guys are fairer than me. But hey, I don't think many guys darker than me exist. Unless they're African American, of course. Erm. Yeah. Sidetracked.
But hey, that's it for my Twilight movie critique. I'd probably write more if it was the book; but I kinda forgot all I read since it was about two years ago since I first read it.
12:10 AM
